I come from a traditional Chinese family and my parents followed Taoist & Buddhist practice just like 99% of the people in a small town Senai, Johor, Malaysia.
At the age of 18, I left home to study in London. Throughout the 10 years in the UK, I used to mock & sneer at my British Christian friends that they are so pitiful for having only one god to protect them. I boasted that we enjoy so much divine protection right from our front door to the backyard of our house, guarded by different gods.
In those days, Jesus Christ was a “polite” swear /curse word I use whenever I blew my top.
After all the social philosophical studies in the University, I was much influenced by the western enlightenment culture that there isn’t any god but we will just have to make the best out of everything and get on with our lives. I became a “free thinker” but respecting all religious people. I thought they were “fated” to have their own religious mind sets.
When I came back to work in a financial institution in Malaysia, I was surprised that there were many Christian colleagues all around me. I spared no time to scoff & gibe at them for being weak and for betraying their ancestors to follow a western god.
I took delight in making fun of them. Once I even switched their food around while they closed their eyes praying to give thanks to God. One day I told them that there really is a god. I showed them my hands and told them success & failure are in my hands, therefore, I am god. Their patience was truly tested!
Then time came I had chosen to move from internal audit to front line marketing. I thought it a surer way to hasten the pace climbing up the corporate ladder and that meant I needed a lot of fresh contacts & prospects. I forced myself out to mix around with people of all religions, visiting their temples and shrines, happily joining as a member as and when invited, so that I could win some business clients. I was on a tricky journey of wearing different mask at different time to face different people to appease them in order to achieve my own personal (SELFISH) goal.
A shift turn of events came in October and everything in life seemed to have fallen apart. Losing career prospect, broken relationship.... the roof had just caved in on me. I was so defeated, so disheartened and so depressed to the extent that I began to hear voices to urge me to take my own life. I was a wretched soul living in my own pitch black (hole) world.
One wee hour (3am) of morning as I arose to go to the toilet, I saw through the window that it was so dark & gloomy and suddenly sadness fell upon me and the same suicidal thoughts began to invade. I felt so bad but somehow I asked a silly question "if there really is a god???".
Suddenly I saw the pitch black sky just lit up a few times, glowing gently before my very eyes from the West to the East. As I was still pondering, 2 Alphabets came to my mind - L & A. I was quite taken aback by my earlier question about god and I thought I have received a "quick" reply. I thought may be this god out there (I don't know who) wants me to go to Los Angeles. But these Alphabets quickly became 2 words - Love & Affection (挚爱).
I could not go back to sleep except for tossing & turning in bed, strangely thinking about the car alignment & the wheel balance.
Then I was busy with work but it did cross my mind that may be this god is the goddess of mercy whom my mother has been worshipping, a family tradition for generations.
After 3 weeks, a Christian colleague invited me to his church promising to buy me a good "Dim Sum" lunch after the service. Needless to say I fell for the ‘Dim Sum’.
That morning, the church service was long and the visiting pastor's speech was long winded too I was like being fed a big dose of sleeping pills I felt asleep a few times. At last I heard him saying that we have come to the end of the service but he said “just before we leave, I have this inner prompting of the Holy Spirit to speak” (This must be a weird church?) He continued "God wants you to know, I don't know who you are but God wants you to know the He loves you. He wants you to remove your masks. He wants you to have a vertical relationship with Him (car alignment) and He wants you to have a good horizontal relationships with all fellow man ( wheel balance). He wants you to do these with LOVE & AFFECTION (挚爱)".
It's Jesus Christ!
As people started to leave ( A Charismatic church!!!) I found myself completely struck down, at awe, crying like a baby and soaking wet in my own tears and sweats. At that moment I realized that it was this Jesus that they worship had made a personal visitation to me that pre dawn morning (At that time I didn’t know Jesus said in the Bible that He is the light of the world) and He is speaking to me again through the mouth of one of His servant pastors.
I was a wreck groping in the dark in life. He came as a light in darkness to rescue me and to teach me the way of life in genuine love & affection. I could feel His love for me. It was not any goddess of mercy who’d intervened but it was God Himself, the creator of heavens and the earth, it was God Himself who made every one of us, it was God Himself who came save a broken soul, me.
That morning, a gentle spirited pastor came to comfort me and I became a follower of Jesus Christ with a new lease of life. My old person has died with Christ at the cross of Calvary.
I’m now living a brand new life, a new life that is in Christ, carrying His loving message to all mankind – Remove your masks, have a vertical relationship with God and a horizontal relationship with man with His LOVE & AFFECTION.
I was as good as dead in 1989 but I'm forever grateful to Jesus for giving me this new lease of life. All thanks and glory be to God. Amen!
Jesus said "For the Son of Man (Jesus Christ) has come to seek and to save that which was lost."